“I just don’t understand WHY they aren’t doing anything different?? I’ve been telling them for months how they need to change!!”

 

Said with great vehement frustration…

 

This was a coaching conversation I had with a CEO recently about a senior leader who was not taking their advice on how to behave and operate differently.

 

Ever been there with someone? Oh I’m sure you have…

 

I have stopped giving my expert advice of TELLING leaders what to do after 20 years of being a consultant. Why? Because…

 

ADVICE DOES NOT LEAD TO CHANGE IN PEOPLE.

 

And I’m all about meaningful shifts in beliefs and behaviors that produce tangible results. There are many reasons why people don’t act on good directional advice. Let me share a few biggies here…

 

Why Doesn’t Advice Work?

1. They are WATCHING you, not listening to what you say.

Only 7% of communication that gets received is the VERBAL data that is spoken. 93% of what gets communicated comes from nonverbals – voice, tone, body language, energy and actions. This well-known study was based on Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, who looked at the components of face-to-face conversations. Now add all the electronic communication leaders do over email, texts, social platforms and there can be wild interpretations about what is REALLY being conveyed. To further support this, observational learning research shows that there is more openness to follow the behavior of others acting positively, versus following advice and instructions.

The leadership saying of you must “walk the talk” and role model the change you want to see in others is way more impactful than telling people how to act.

 

2. People inherently RESIST ADVICE and want agency to choose.

Behavior psychology research on the reactance theory suggests that when people tell us what to do and how to do it, we respond with defensive defiance because humans are wired to maximize their freedom and decision-making.  Deep down, everyone wants agency over their actions. Think about when people give you unsolicited advice….it often feels like judgement, criticism or they know better than you. When we push our way as THE way or the best way, we suppress, squash and steal people’s opportunity to bring their wisdom, ideas, skills and whole selves to the job.

Engaging people to think about, decide and choose for themselves how to act increases motivation, empowerment, and ownership.

 

3. Fear based authoritarian advice BREEDS COMPLIANCE and survival response.

Directions from authority that are fear and threat based – at best –get compliance and obedience but not empowered inspired actions. People can sense and feel when there is even a whiff of fear in the air. This activates the survival part of the brain that flares up the nervous system and results in Fight or Flight stress reactions. This is when people call leadership coaches like me and ask how to deal with all the dysfunctional, unproductive behaviors in employees and teams.

When tempted to give advice, pause and check yourself… are you coming from and inciting fear or inviting empowered inspired action?

 

Being a leader that engages and empowers others is a delicate dance of imparting our wisdom in a way that lights up the wisdom in others.

If you are a leader that wants to learn how to light up others, send me a note, I’d love to explore how I can support you!

 

My best always,

 

Jen