Coming into the holidays and this week in the U.S., we want to be all about gratitude. But the reality is that holidays aren’t all joy and thankfulness, they bring a lot of grief for people too.

We don’t have to make this an Either/OR choice – like if we have grief that must mean we aren’t grateful for other things in life, or vice versa…

The fullest expression of the authenticity of life is to hold both gratitude in our hearts and honor any grief that we may have as well.

Grief is obvious when there has been a death, but there are many other kinds of losses that don’t get acknowledged. Relationship changes or endings, job losses, relocations, children moving away or growing up, major illnesses, families and friendships and traditions that are no longer the same…

How can you flow with gratitude and grief through these holidays?

Here are some quick Do’s and Don’ts for you and others this season…

DO…

1. Allow feelings of grief to be present & honor what you loved – see my GRIEF principles below.
2. Embrace gratitude only about what you are authentically grateful for – don’t fake or force it.
3. Acknowledge who or what has been lost – simply name it or create a comforting ritual if appropriate.

DON’T…

1. Judge yourself or others for how they grieve – witnessing with compassion is what is needed.
2. Pressure or guilt yourself or others into doing things that don’t feel good – it’s OK to say No and take care of yourself.
3. Try to “cheer” others up or tell them to be grateful – let people feel and be where they are.

As grief pops up this season, remember it is a natural normal reaction to loss and it’s not only OK to grieve, but it’s necessary to heal and grow.

Here are my 5 principles for navigating grief. May they serve you as you take care of yourself and others this season.

Grateful for you in the world and this community.  Sending love to you season…

Jen Todd